Marvelous Mondays-Tomorrow...

All these photos have something in common, something that is on my mind today....

What is it?!

Vacation? Photos taken by me?  Well they were all taken by me, on vacation...

Sunsets, well one is not!

Tropical places? Not really, the picture right above was taken on the good old California Coast!  

Okay, so WATER.  I am thinking about water.  This Monday I am thankful for water.  There are many different forms of water that I love but today I am thankful for a special activity in water.  Tomorrow will be Bailey's first time in the pool, yep, first time!  We are doing Mommy and Me swim lessons.  We will be going in the morning to a pool in our area that is at someone's home, it is a large salt water pool that is heated.  I think Bailey will do great since she loves her baths and has been in the shower several times.  I really hope she likes the water.  

Over the next few months we are going to try to enjoy playing and having fun in the water.  This feels like a big step, she is growing so quickly!!  The awesome thing about having swim lessons at the place we are going is that they have Saturday lessons, so Tony is excited to take Bailey to lessons!  I have been thinking about tomorrow all week, so I am excited to see what is to come...

I guess I will have one of my favorite songs in my head tomorrow, 

Daughter by Loudon Wainwright III 

Hope everyone has a Happy Monday, What are you thankful for today, small or large?        

Marvelous Mondays-Just Being

Today, in particular, I am feeling a little weird.  We had a all too relaxing weekend and did not do anything in particular.  I guess It is just one of those days where I just feel like an awful Mom.  I think the lack of sleep (and I am not complaining) causes me to be a little impatient.  I hate being impatient, especially with Bailey.  I am talking about small small moments but none the less I feel like a awful Mom, wife, friend, person...everything.

But this is Marvelous Monday, so today I am thankful, as I am everyday, for my daughter.  No matter how impatient I am she just looks at me and smiles and hugs me.  I mean, who in the world does this, most of the time when we are impatient as adults we look at each other like "well, she really NEEDS a NAP!"...  Maybe we should be a little more patient with each other and learn to have compassion.

As I feel like a bad Mom I try to tell myself that I am just having a bad day, and to shake it off, but "Mommy Guilt" is a powerful thing and starts the day you find out you are pregnant and parades on you like no other.  Feeling like this to me, does not help anything, it just makes me feel worse, eats me up inside.  So today and each day, I will try to remember all the happy moments, all the reasons I am a good person, a good wife, and a good Mom.  I am trying.  I love Bailey's smile, it really does bring me through every sleepless night and whining/ crying day.  It is also what makes every single day bright.    Bailey helps relieve this guilt, and I think I must be doing something small right, because when I look at this, I am amazed.

Marvelous Mondays-The beautiful sky

I am always thankful when I see these...

They make me think of many things.

When I was a child and thought that there was an end of the rainbow, with a pot of gold.

They make me think of happiness and new beginnings.

All the beautiful colors, each created.

They make me think of happy times.

A picture does not do this justice.

I can not help but smile when I see these.

This was Bailey's first rainbow, I hope we see many more.

Beautiful.

Marvelous Mondays

It does not quite feel like Monday today...Where did the weekend go!

On this Marvelous Monday, I am thankful for the time I get to spend with my little Bailey.

Her smile, her laugh, and her curiosity of the world make everything brighter.

I treasure everyday I have with her, I truly hope for a lifetime of these moments.

You never cease to amaze me with your beauty.

I am proud to be your Mommy.

My life would not be the same without her little face.

Bailey, Mommy loves you forever.

Marvelous Mondays

It is Monday, and it is here, all too fast, and soo much to do...

On this Marvelous Monday, I am thankful for my hyper, energy filled puppy dog, Roxy.  Roxy has a special story.  I have always been a little strict with Roxy, but she is our world and a terrific Dog.  

You see, in August of 2009, we lost our Bella.  She was a great dog, an amazing dog actually.  I was pregnant with Bailey and Bella's death was a shock, nothing we were expecting as she was at the perfect doggy age of 5 years old. She was trained, we were preparing her for Bailey coming, and we loved her soo much.  If anyone loves their dog, they would know that this dog was our first furry baby.  She was a part of our family.  You can read about her HERE (sorry it is a link to our old blog as I am not finished transferring everything yet!!)  When she passed Tony and I knew we wanted a new dog.  It was a hard decision, do we get a new puppy now, later, when Bailey was a toddler?  No option sounded like a good idea.  

I started looking for a new puppy, I found Roxy.  She was 5 months old when we got her.  Click HERE to read about how we got her.  We do not know her whole story, but she is s shy and timid puppy.  She is the a great dog otherwise.  She loves Bailey more than I could ever ask her to.  She is amazing!  She loved Bailey from the moment we stepped into the house.  Right now as I type Roxy is letting Bailey pet her and terrorize gently pull her ears (and Roxy just looks at her and then gives her an I love you lick!)  Roxy is still learning to be gentle, she is definantely still a puppy.  I have to remind myself that she is not Bella and not 5 years old, she is one and a PUPPY.  She is trying to learn and trying to behave how we want her to.  

Thank you Roxy for filling a void, a special void, of the family dog.  Roxy, you take care of all of us, and like all dogs, have an amazing and unconditional love that we can only strive to have with everyone.

On this Marvelous Monday, I am thankful for Roxy, and all that she brings to our lives.

Do you have animal that you are thankful for?

Marvelous Mondays

"Monday Monday, so good to me,
Monday Monday, it was all I hoped it would be
Oh Monday morning, Monday morning couldn't guarantee
That Monday evening you would still be here with me."...

Okay so quoting the Mamas and the Papas... sorry, just what was in my head and had to type it, okay I am weird one...This post will be light because I have a needy little one today!!

On this Monday I am thankful for my husband.  

He is my best friend.  He is always there for me.  He just plain understands me.

We have been together for 13 years this year.  I have known Tony for about 16 years now.  We have been married this year for 5 years.  Anyone who knows Tony would describe him as "speedracer".  Not because he is speeding on the road (well not always) but he likes to work on cars, look at cars, talk about cars, marvel at cars, and drive cars (did I mention he likes cars a lot?).  I never can understand it, but that is his passion and I love him for it.  I try to listen all the time, but I usually just do not get it...

It is like "did you see that Ferrari 400090 over there?  Did you know it has a V1000 engine, it's  got a gear ratio of like 250:7, it goes like 0-2000 in 0.3 seconds!, it was made in cool car town and is one of like 2 they made!" 

See I just don't get it at all, do you?... Anyways, I happen to love this car talk even if I do not understand and would feel lost if I did not hear it for the day.  So yes Tony, keep all those cool car facts coming my way!!  

I feel in love with Tony because he makes me laugh.  All the time he is joking.  I am always telling him, people will never know if you are joking, when he is teasing me.  To this day he still makes me laugh.  At times, he jokes a little too much, but hey, we all do something a little too much.  I love his laugh and his smile.

Tony takes care of Bailey and I, I can not THANK him enough for this.  Tony is a great Dad to Bailey, and I feel lucky that he is my husband, I really hope we will grow older together because I can not think of anyone else I would rather be with. ever.

So on this Marvelous Monday I am thankful for my speed racer, the one who makes me laugh, my best friend, my husband, Tony.

Marvelous Mondays

Monday here we come...

Today I am having a little bit of a hard time thinking of what to write... I have a lot on my mind this past week.  I have been trying to be positive but my heart is screaming.  It is Courtney and Colin's angel day.  It hurts, why did they have to leave?  Rachel, you are in my mind today, (((Many Hugs))) to you.  And little Layla, she is not waking up now and is indicating she is in pain, why...It is more than not fair.  Children should not ever have to go through this.  I can not begin to understand the pain these families went through.  I just keep them in my thoughts, constantly.

On this Marvelous Monday I am thankful for My Mom.  It have been absolutely amazing to watch her with my daughter.  She is a fantastic Grandma already.  She is constantly checking on Bailey, misses her when they are apart for a few days, and they have a great time when they are together.  I know Bailey will be really close to her growing up.  Sometimes tears come to my eyes watching them together.  It makes me very happy.

My mom is an amazing Mom. She is my very best friend. I have written before about all the help she provided to me after Bailey was born. She would talk to me everyday and tell me I was going to get better when I felt like all I could get was well, worse. Besides Tony, there was really no one else. She would come and just sit with me when I was not well, and when I was well enough to start walking around she would make a place for me to go everyday. It was the thing that picked me up, it is exactly what I needed. She came and made us dinner, helped around the house and made me feel normal and like a person (which I did not feel like). She helped me so I could concentrate on Bailey. I can not thank her enough for that.  When I was growing up my Mom was always there for us, she gave herself and all of herself to all 3 of us everyday. It was never about her, ever. She was amazing. Now that I am a Mom I strive to be like her to Bailey.  I hope that someday Bailey and I will have the great relationship my Mom and I share. 

My Mom has showed me how to be a Mom, and that is something I can never say thank you enough for. Thank you Mom, I love you. Bailey is teaching me how to be a Mom, I love you Bailey, I hope I am doing a good job for you.

Who is a person in your life that you are thankful for??

Marvelous Mondays

This Monday is different:  My thoughts for what I am thankful for keep going to my friend Rachel.  Today I would like to honor her 3 little angels, Jaxon Thomas, Colin Alexander, and Courtney Grace.  Rachel is a mommy of 4, she has 3 angel babies Jaxon, Colin, and Courtney, and her fourth baby, Kenzie (whom Bailey adores!).  Rachel is an inspiration and has helped many other bereaved mommies out there with her generous heart.

She started Triplet Butterfly Wings   (http://tripletbutterflywings.blogspot.com/) ,   a site to help other bereaved mommies and daddies.  She does Monarch butterfly releases for babies who have become angels and each baby has their own butterfly.  It is spectacular and beautiful.  She also makes micro preemie hats and burial wraps for many hospitals.  This site also serves to connect many mommies together and with information available.  Rachel does this out of the kindness of her heart, and I am sure many mommies are very thankful for her.         

What Rachel and her trio has taught me: many things.  First, not to assume things, many people are only here for a short amount of time, we need to cherish what time we have together and also, we do not know what other people have gone through or are going through.  This one is important because so many times people speak, and we need to be careful with what we say and our words.  For instance, asking people when they are going to have kids, or is this their first, to a person whom can not have kids, that is a heartbreaking question or to the person who has angel babies, that hurts.  So it is just a reminder to watch words because you just have not stood in the other person's shoes.  Secondly, the trio has taught me to love my baby more than ever.  I think I could list many others, but these are the two for me that come to mind first.

The triplets birthday is tomorrow, and I just thought today I would honor them on this Marvelous Monday and share a little about their Mommy.  For everyone who wants to read more about their story hop on over to Rachel's website (she started Marvelous Mondays) and to Triplet Butterfly Wings.  Thank you Rachel for sharing your story.

To JaCoCo, I know your Mommy loves and misses you guys, but I am sure heaven is perfect and beautiful.  Thank you for teaching me many things.

Marvelous Mondays

It is Monday today, time to start a new week...

 On this Marvelous Monday I am going to share something near to my heart.  I have not talked about Bailey's Birth Story as of yet (so a lot of the story and details will be left out), so I will leave that for a different blogging time as I am not quite ready.  

Tony and I prepared for my whole pregnancy for Bailey's birth, we talked endlessly about our desires, and especially how we wanted Bailey to come into this world.  I was open to many other options regarding pain medication although I did not want to have a c-section.  To me at the time, a c-section is an unnatural way to bring a baby into the world, plus, it is a major surgery.  Tony and I attended Bradley Birthing class and were prepared to have our baby using these methods.  I was more than excited to experience birthing our baby, and imagined the scenario in my head many times, and dreamed of holding my baby right after she came out.  I, being a plan oriented person had a birth plan (although I knew we would not follow everything about it) and I knew that I wanted Tony and My Mom there with me, this was the most important fact.  Both those people know me, know my limits, my wants, how to comfort me, and support me.  

When I went into labor with Bailey, things got difficult, her heart rate went very high, I was running a fever, she was sunny side up, and well we got to 7 centimeters dilated and then waited there for 4 hours with no change.  My doctor was awesome, he knew my wishes and let me stay at 7 centimeters for longer than usual, he did this so that I would know that he gave my body a chance to progress and did not cut me short.  I was in extreme pain, having excruciating back labor...  They monitored Bailey, but her heart rate would not go down, that is when they put me in for an emergency cesarean section.  

When they told me my heart sank... my dreams fell. I felt like a complete failure.  I felt like something was being taken away from me that I wanted so bad!  At this point all I could think about was Bailey, and making sure she was okay.

As they wheeled me in for my c-section I was very tired.  I had been in labor for 20-25 hours at this point.  Once I got into the operating room, I felt an overwhelming tired feeling.  I could barely keep my eyes open.  My body just started to shut down at this point.  I remember certain things.  Seeing my Mom and Tony there, them holding my hand, when Bailey came out I remember everyone saying things like: "Wow, she is a big baby", "She has a beautiful head of hair", and that she was "Covered with body butter".  I remember just listening for her to cry and her loud cries throughout the room; I remember looking over and seeing them clean her up and glancing at her as the nurses were doing their jobs, but after that I remember nothing (until later when they wheeled me into the NICU to see her, I will never forget that).  That is the part that kills me inside, the nothing part.  Tony said I just could not stay awake and they tried to wake me up.  

Till this month that was the thing I could not handle.  I missed out on my baby's birth.  For the weeks after her birth I looked through the photos my Mom had taken (I am SOO very thankful for all those photos, even the ones from the NICU, that are harder for me to see), hoping to remember something, hoping I could go back.  I could not even handle looking at them and would break down crying every time.  People told me after Bailey's birth that at least she was healthy (as this statement is true) at the time this is the last thing I wanted to hear.  I could not even talk about her birth without crying.  I could not even handle looking at my scar, the reminder of what happened that day and how Bailey had to come into the world.

This was my perspective, and I have not stopped thinking about this since Bailey was born.  through thinking about this whole situation I have come to find peace with it.  Peace with having to have an operation to bring Bailey into this world, Peace that I did not get to have the experience of having Bailey naturally, and Peace with this 8 inch scar.  I realized that Bailey is the end product and that is one of happiness.  That however she entered this world, it is her Birth Story.  That is is beautiful, because I carried her for 40 weeks, and she is here and healthy.  I am fortunate that my husband wrote all about her whole birth story day by day, which I treasure and have read many times.  In the days after we returned home he sat down with me and told me about every photo in detail, so now I share many of his memories.  Now, I still do deep in my heart wish that this was not the way it needed to be.  I have realized that everything happens for a reason in life, I might have not figured out the reason.  I had to be strong in ways I did not think I could be.  I had never been through surgery, I had 2 epidurals, and 20-25 hours of labor.  My scar has become my reminder that Bailey is here with me and always will be.  

Bailey's birth story might not be how I pictured it, but she is more than I could ever have imagined.  She is what made everything about this situation good.  She has taught me how to be a mommy.  

In this journey I have realized that I am very lucky to have Bailey here, no matter how she came.  Some people do not get the opportunity to have children, some people have lost their children, some children have cancer and so many other heartbreaking situations, ones that we can not control, that are out of our power.  Trying to trust that out of every situation, beauty arises.  

On this Marvelous Monday, I am thankful for how my baby came into this world.
What is something that did not go as planned that you are thankful for?

Marvelous Mondays

It is Monday today... Ready or not, here it comes...

My Friend Rachel has started Marvelous Mondays as a way to take a look at the positive parts of our lives.  Rachel is a friend whom has just entered my life, I enjoy her friendship greatly.  It is a small world, I bought a couple cloth diapers from her through Craigslist.  I am fortunate to have done so.  Marvelous Mondays,  I think this is an awesome idea and I hope that other bloggers out there will participate with us on Mondays (click and link to her site for better directions or click below this post to join) !!  

On this Marvelous Monday I am thankful for Friends.

I have been thinking a lot about what friends are lately.

What defines a friend, is it a person who is always there for you, or someone who is there for you when you are sad, or someone who calls you every week just to say hello, or is a friend someone who only calls once in a while, or the person you never see?

I feel like I have a lot of friends in my life, and the conclusion I have come to is that each friend is put into your life for a different reason.

I am thankful for my friends.  

Life without friends would be sad.

I am happy that I have friends, some of who I have known in my life for a long time, some of whom are new, but still a integral part.

To all my very many friends out there, Thank you from the bottom of my heart.  I appreciate the little and big things you all do.  I hope that all my friends know this.

Now it is your turn, to think about friends in your life....